5 SIMPLE AGREEMENTS TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP 保持健康關係的5個個建議
Do you remember the last time you wanted out of a relationship?
A year ago? 2 years? 6 months? This morning?
We all know the sting of being in a relationship on the outs. 還否記得自己上一次想要結束戀愛關係是什麼是時候？ 一年前？兩年前？六個月前？還是今天早上？ 活在一段隨時結束的感情裡，這種痛楚是每個人都能了解。
We rarely genuinely want the relationship to end, wanting more for the way it is to come to an end. Here are some agreements you and your partner can adopt to help focus your effort and start to patch things up: 每個人都想擁有一段長久幸福的感情，但努力和堅持還是必要的。以下是一些能助你和伴侶維持長久關系的建議，嘗試和他達成這些共識吧。
Agreement #0 – I Want This 這是我想要的
This is ground “0″ for the whole thing, and you both really have to want it! This means wanting it actively, making it your work to reaffirm and reassure yourself and your partner that you want to continue to invest your time, energy and focus into tending to your relationship. Without that, none of this will make a difference in the end, and seperation (internal or external) is guaranteed. This is the foundation for all of it. When (and only when) both parties have a genuine desire to work towards resolution, the following five agreements can really help you restore the quality of your partnership.
Agreement #1 – I will Focus on Listening 我願意聆聽
You’ve feel like you’ve heard it a million times, yet here it is again. It’s time to Listen. And again, do it actively. Listen so intently that you actually draw out the Spirit of what is being communicated. Recognize from where your partner is speaking and be ready to reassure and calm your partner. Slow down your words and increase their effectiveness.
Agreement #2 – I will be Forthcoming and Vulnerable 我願意表達和接受自己的脆弱
Bring your feelings to the table. Be the crystal-clear narrator for the part of you that is experiencing the feelings. We often neglect to share our own frustrations for fear of being seen as less perfect, but strength in the moment of truth feels like vulnerability. Temper your words with care and love so that they may be received as your peace, not as an attack.
Agreement #3 – I will be Warm, Loving and Neutral in the Face of Conflict
This is a good one. In the face of emotional waves, and engage your partner with warmth, lovingness, acceptance and neutrality. Instead of worry or anger, feel concern for your partner’s happiness and wellbeing. Let this show through your body language, eye contact and breathing. Hold yourself in a relaxed, but present position. Let the light shine through smiling eyes as you look into those of your partner and be REAL with your feelings. Take a full breath in and out before reacting verbally to triggered emotions. Chances are it’s too late for anything but the clearest truth at this point.
Agreement #4 – I will be Respectful – 我願意尊重
Giving respect does not mean one being less than another, it is a demonstration of fortitude in yourself and of appreciation for what the other brings to the table. We often undervalue the gifts and effort brought by our partner. This is childish, and poor accounting. Respecting the presence of your partner illicits genuine appreciation of the internal process at work, and admiration to your partner for the effort. 90% of all relationship issues stem from the absence or lack of this one fundamental.
Agreement #5 – I will be Receptive to Change 我樂於接受改變
Be open to the possibility that the person you fought with yesterday may be a whole new person by today. People change. All the time. This does NOT stop just because two people decided to start a “relationship”. You can never know the pep-talk your partner may have just given themself on the way over to see you. Maybe they really want to show you a better side… Then you opened your mouth about how disappointed they make you and suddenly all of your partner’s extra mojo is out the window and you’re back where you started, worse-off than before they showed up. People will sometimes surprise you… More often if you give them the safe space in which to do it.